08.13.08
Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 1:38 pm by Administrator
Intentional Choices
Choosing Mindless Escapes
Big Brother and Mindless TV
I love the TV show Big Brother. I won’t appologize and I won’t try to explain except to say it is so mindless and I really do love escaping for that one hour into the lives of these people who are living in a house with others they have never met. The end is something like $250,000 or $500,000 to the last one standing. What I like to escape into is the human actions and reactions to things that are said -not said -perceived -misunderstood and not really ever confronted. I don’t get caught up in the emotions of the show or scream and yell “Don’t you know! Can’t you see!” Rather I sit in simple amusement. Intentionally knowing this is mindless and purposefully understanding that this has absolutely nothing to do with real life. Unless you allow life to catch you up in drama such as this. Where you are always looking for the next chaotic moment. Where you are looking for the next opportunity to fuss and argue. Where you are looking for the next opportunity to completely disrupt a perfectly fine moment of peace and rest and turn it into confusion and chaos because that is what has become most comfortable. Quiet has become too loud and Peace has become too unsettling.
Choosing Something Better
Rachel Scott -The Story I Didn’t Know
I had the opportunity to hear Dana Scott speak this past weekend. Her sister Rachel was the first person killed at Columbine High School on April 20th,1999. We have all heard the small tidbit -after she had been shot several times and was trying to crawl away, one of the gunmen asked her if she still believed in her God. She responded with “You know I do”. Her killer said “Go be with Him then. And shot her once more. The story behind it is more than I could have imagined. The fact that Rachel Scott lived every day as an Intentional Light for others was shown through her writings, drawings and testimony from kids at her school. One young boy, a proffessed atheist told her parents “Rachel was what a Christian should be”. She didn’t live shouting her beliefs to those who would listen. She just lived, every moment, what she believed. When she would see someone hurting ~even those she didn’t know, she reached out with a kind word or a touch. When someone new came to school, she intentionally reached out to let them know they were welcomed! ” I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it will start a chain reaction of the same.”- Rachel Scott This was written in an essay she had to do for English class. Girlfriends, there is so much more to this story and not enough newsletter to write it all out! It is simply a story about living with an intention to know yourself. It is about living a life with a purpose of compassion and staying aware of those around you who may need encouragement and even just a touch on the shoulder to say “You matter to me.” You don’t have to get caught up in the drama of their life. You don’t have to get caught up in the fixing of their life. You don’t have to get caught up in the gossip of the circumstance. You can be available with a heart that truly cares about another human being and you can be available with an ear, just to listen or a quiet spirit to just let them cry. I would encourage each of you to go to www.RachelsChallenge.com and see the life this young lady lived and the passion she had for the kids around her. The fact that she was so young, had lived her life with Intention, Passion and Purpose and the fact that she lived what she believed ~She didn’t talk loud and proud, she didn’t tell everyone else what they shoulda, coulda, didn’t ~She lived every day with her sweet, kind spirit that touched those around her and now millions around the world!
Making The Choice
Changing Anxiety to Excitement
We all have stuff that comes up. We get to choose in each moment how we will react to the stuff! Here is one of my favorites from Iyanla Vanzant
~ The quickest way to turn a bad situation into a blessing is to get excited! Things may not look so good right now. You may even doubt your ability to hold up under the pressure or the scrutiny. It’s all okay! You can still choose to be excited! Excitement is the opposite of anxiety. It brings a new energy into any situation. Excitement gives you power and puts you in charge of what you do. Just imagine how you will feel when the situation is over. Think about what you will do with the knowledge and experience you are gaining. Think about the stories you can tell, the people you can assist, the fact that you will know what to do if you are ever in this situation again. Isn’t that exciting? In any situation, you have the right, power, and ability to choose your experience. Old habits and negative thought patterns will be the first to show up, but we can choose a new way in which you affect the outcome. Rather than slipping into fear, resentment, or anger, you can get excited! Be excited that you are equipped to handle it! Be excited that life is trusting you to do the right thing! Be excited that you will do you best, no matter what happens!
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06.25.08
Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 12:37 pm by Administrator
Introduction
In the previous newsletter I talked about opening up to embrace all women as girlfriends. Beginning to put yourself out there as a girlfriend and really seeing the women in your life. We talked about your being trustworthy, impeccable and available. Now I need to talk about putting up boundaries.
Newsletter Blog
Setting Up Boundaries
This has to be the hardest part for me. I love people. I love being available to people and I, with my own natural curiosity, don’t always know when to pull back. Sometimes I let people talk too long, hold my attention too long or keep me busy doing for them, something that has nothing to do with me or feeding my spirit. And I am not talking about this in a selfish spirit, I am talking about talking to -and doing for -others when it takes from what I should be doing or what I need to be taking care of for myself.
When I am heading home from this particular task or when I get off the phone from talking too long, there is a feeling of frustration that doesn’t do me any good! This is where boundaries come in. Only you can decide where your personal boundary must be and in keeping yourself open to other women’s needs and in trying to be a great girlfriend yourself, these lines aren’t always clear.
A question to be aware of may help form clearer lines.
In the circumstance and encounter with this girlfriend, do I feel drained?
Do you come away from this encounter with a sense of frustration because it took energy and spirit from you? When giving out personal time and energy on another, we must have a way of filling back up. When you have a particular person that takes from you emotionally, pulling from you to feed themselves, it will ware your spirit down. When you choose to continue an open relationship with this girlfriend, you must be clear about how much you have of yourself to give. Make a mental note of how long you are willing to spend on the phone with them and sometimes how many times a day! Make mental notes of how much personal time you will physically give them and how often. On a weekly, monthly or yearly basis. Then in a spirit of loving -remember they may not know how to be a girlfriend and are reaching out and clinging to you without their own boundaries in place -you must say no sometimes. You don’t have to say no with an excuse. You are allowed to just say no. Saying “I am not able to” and leaving out the excuses keeps the other person from being able to ‘fix’ your reasoning and getting it worked out so your no just became an ‘okay’. And then you’re frustrated! Keep your no to a truthful statement and remember, less is more. When you leave a situation drained and angry, what kind of a girlfriend are you? And then you call another girlfriend to dump about that girlfriend and then it becomes a gossip fest!
Having personal boundaries set up also keep you from taking on their stuff for your own. And we all have done it. Girlfriend calls with all her stuff. You take it on as a personal mission to fix or help to make her feel better. Not your job. When you take this on a personal level and take it on with your own stuff, you are weighing yourself down with something that isn’t yours and you can’t fix. And it’s not your job to fix. When you are constantly giving money, advice, time and energy you are taking on their stuff! When this is not being reciprocated at any level, this is not a girlfriend relationship! This may be a woman you want to stay open to and be available for and this is fine. Just be sure your boundaries are in place and you are not being drained.
Maybe the best description I have come across is this; we all have our own stuff. We are all carrying weights that must be taken care of. Burdens that must be worked through. That are OURS to work through. We have friends, kids and people in our lives who also have these burdens and weights. Perhaps in our understanding of God or Spirit, we think that we have been asked to carry our sisters burdens. We have been asked to take on ourselves what our sister can not carry. Wrong. Being supportive and loving and giving a hand up does not include taking the burden from them and carrying it. When we take that burden completely from them we take away their opportunity for growth and their opportunity for learning. And we miss the lesson for ourselves. To just be there. To sometimes just listen.
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06.08.08
Posted in My Life at 2:50 am by Administrator
A topic of conversation came up recently wanting to know what to do when your baby won’t stop crying. “What can I do to fix it”?
My daughter Jordan was only a month and a half when she developed Colic. Now I call it Colic because in every sense of the word, I couldn’t get her to calm down or stop crying. Is it a belly ache? I tried feeding, she’s not hungry. I tried rocking, she arched her back. I tried laying her down, her crying increased to an ear piercing scream! So, I did the only thing I, a single mom at the age of 23, knew to do. I cuddled her up in a blanket, held her close to my chest, walked outside in the cool Orlando March air and I held her. Singing softly and talking to her softly and concentrating on my breathing quietly. I knew the only thing I could do would be to calm myself and be the comfort to her she would come to expect. When there was absolutely nothing else I could do, I had to let her cry. And I had to be there for her while she did. Calmly be there for her. Such is life.
Even with our girlfriends. When they need to cry. When the circumstances surrounding them is something we can’t fix. Nor do we need to fix. Sometimes all they need us to do is let them cry. And, perhaps we just need to focus on our breathing, we need to stay calm and we need to be the comfort they expect.
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06.07.08
Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 7:20 pm by Administrator
I am sitting on my back porch, coffee by my side, preparing to write up my first Celebrate, Girlfriend! newsletter. Thoughts are running thru my mind trying to formulate and put this together mentally before sitting down to write. The thoughts are 1. How did I get here and 2. My original girlfriends watching this growth process. Lynn, Stephanie, Jordan, Lynnette, Lorena, Sheryl, Glyn, Debora, Daphne, Carmen, Cathy, Nicole, Connie, Tabbi, Tracy, Alison, Alyson, Lysa, Debbie, Jessica, Phyllis, Shannon, Sherri, Marcy, Teresa, Angie, Carol, Dawn, Diane, Kristie, Maria, Ruby, Sandy, Tammi. I mention these names knowing that I may have left off a few, they are in no particular order and I don’t talk to every single one of them every single day. Some I may only talk to a couple times a year. Not all of them know each other or of each other. However, when we do re-connect there is a sense of knowing we have always been there and would have answered the phone, jumped to help or just listened should any one of us have needed it. So, with just an idea and based on many wonderful women in my life, Celebrate, Girlfriend! came to be.
NEWSLETTER BLOG:
Embracing All Women As Girlfriends!
“I don’t have any girlfriends!” This has to be the number one comment I hear when talking to women about Celebrate, Girlfriend! or when giving an invitation to an event. My first thought is always “Are you a girlfriend?” Let’s take a moment to look at ourselves. Let’s examine our own hearts in this matter. A girlfriend is a woman who embraces you exactly as you are. Not always in agreement with the choices you make, men you hang out with or the way you raise your kids. A girlfriend, however, honors you as a woman and allows you to make personal choices, without judgment. A girlfriend always speaks the truth to you. In a spirit of love and true concern and with the ability to let it go. Because ultimately the personal choices are still yours to make, no matter the situation. A girlfriend is trustworthy and always keeps a confidance. A girlfriend is not jealous. She stands beside you in your excitement, not wanting to take from you in order to make herself look or feel better. She wants to give you more. More encouragement, joy, hugs, smiles and “way to go’s”!
So the question comes back to you. Are you a girlfriend? Before you can fuss about not having any, start today living as one. And it’s not about going out and finding someone whose business you can get into. It’s not about getting in on the office gossip in order to have something to talk about. It is about you. You getting up at this moment and setting your intentions on being the best girlfriend YOU can be. Begin to see the small things that are brought to you each day. Become impeccable with your word s and actions, as well as holding every single thing said to you in complete confidance. You be the one who doesn’t gossip. Take this next day and begin to see the women in your life. Really see them. See them for every hurt, anger and frustration they have been through, as well as seeing them for every joy and blessing they have had. You don’t have to do anything about it. Just begin to see them. As you begin to really see them, embrace them. In your mind, heart and spirit, embrace all women as girlfriends. I am not saying to begin dumping on them, nor letting them dump on you. I am saying to open up, in your spirit, the idea that all women are girlfriends. All women have the same basic needs and desires. You are now making a conscious choice to be available. You are being intentional about opening up and becoming a girlfriend.
Women need each other! Women need girlfriends! They are not all going to be close confidantes nor will they all be the first one you call when your life is falling apart -or coming together beautifully. However, each one has a place and belongs. Open up to the women around you. Begin to see their value. Notice the women who lift you up and encourage you in being the best YOU you can be.
Next Newsletter: Setting Personal Boundries
Girlfriends honor us and our choices ~although they may not agree~
Girlfriends live without judgment.
Girlfriends live without jealousy.
Girlfriends honor confidences.
Girlfriends lift us up without rescuing us.
Girlfriends always live in truth ~and that truth being spoken in love~
Girlfriends Celebrate our differences.
Girlfriends know how to listen. Just listen.
Girlfriends know how to love themselves
and so then are able to love us ~unconditionally
~ Girlfriends Celebrate! ~Rachel
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05.21.08
Posted in Inspiration at 6:58 pm by Administrator
Don’t look now, Lord! I don’t want you to see me standing here with my big foot crammed in my mouth.
Don’t worry, child. If I didn’t love you just as much with your foot in your mouth, I’d hardly ever get a chance to love you. ~Susan L. Lenzkes
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03.07.08
Posted in My Life at 7:22 am by Administrator
Okay, so you have asked. And you have given God a time limit. Because what you perceive as good timing is all you are thinking about. What you are needing right now is all you are seeing. It is the bigger picture that you can’t see. It is what God is working out for good all around you and in other lives that you are having to wait on. So, you “Ask and Ye Shall Receive” and then you “Let Go And Let God“ and then “Wait Upon The Lord”.
What I am saying is. Ask for what you want. And it isn’t about asking for money. What is it that money would bring? A peace about your bills? Loosening up the pocket book a little so you can go to Target? Being able to give the way you have always felt you should? It isn’t about asking for a man. They aren’t too hard to find. So get clear about what it is you are really asking for. The root of what more money would give you. The companionship that a relationship would bring. Then “Let Go And Let God”. Don’t pick it back up. Get clear about what you are really asking for and hold that thought. Notice how it feels to have money in the bank. Notice how it feels to have financial freedom. Notice how it feels to hand a check to the cause that concerns you most. Now claim it. As if it is already true. Continue to hold that until. Until it manifests in the physical what you have already claimed in the spiritual. Wondering what is taking so long? Not your job. That split second thought needs to immediately be replaced with what you already know to be true. The thought and the feeling you have when you asked and claimed this. When you let the negative climb back in to your conscious thinking, you are giving power to that negative thought. You are sliding back into the lack. I don’t have it. I am never going to get it. God doesn’t answer my prayers. Now where are you? Right back at the beginning. Start over. Ask again. Now let go and let God. Now wait upon the Lord. Sometimes it helps to keep the excitement when you get a hold of the thought and the feeling that goes along with the thought. And then take your imagination and think about all the people God is working on and through while you are waiting. What is God putting in place while you are holding the truth in thought and feeling. I know while I continued to ask God for a husband. I would feel like time was running out. Okay, I have been single for 3 years now. That is quite long enough. I am lonely. I am wanting to be a wife. Okay, I have been single for 6 years now. Quite long enough! I am ready for that loving relationship. Wow. The 7th year into it and I had to start healing. I didn’t realize how angry I had been at Tracy for leaving me. In death even. Now I couldn’t tell him how mad I was. I couldn’t get in his face and blame him for my hurt and anger. I had to deal with it on my own. And I did. And then I got peace about being single. For over 9 years now. And in the meantime, the past 2 years, my prayer changed. Yes, I still asked for a husband. Yes, I still asked to be a wife. However, my prayer became one of thanksgiving. Thanking God for the husband he was preparing for me. Thanking God for preparing me, in the meantime, to be the wonderful, loving wife that this fabulous man would deserve. Becoming thankful, truly thankful, and excited! Excited about the love that is and is going to be. The prayer that is being answered right now, even if my menial little brain can’t wrap around the process. Or why the process has to take so long. I am excited as I watch God’s plan for my life unfold all around me. As I ask in each little area of my life. As I take what I ask, hold the thought and desire and claim it, as I “Ask and I Shall Receive“ as I “Let go and Let God” and then as I “Wait Upon The Lord“.
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03.01.08
Posted in Inspiration at 7:10 am by Administrator
The Four Agreements®
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth.”
“In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible.”
In this powerful book that has remained on The New York Times Bestseller List for over five years, don Miguel reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. When we are ready to change these agreements, there are four deceptively simple, yet powerful agreements that we can adopt as guiding principles. The Four Agreements® offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love. www.miguelruiz.comAvoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
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01.22.08
Posted in Inspiration at 1:57 am by Administrator
It’s been a good day, Lord. Yes, a very good day. I didn’t realize it while it was happening. There were many frustrations. I was very discouraged when the letter I was praying for didn’t come. Then the telephone rang, bringing good news.
When a child was carried home from the playground hurt and we rushed him to the hospital, you knew my awful fears. But to learn that it wasn’t really serious brought a sense of heightened joy. (Sheer releif can generate sheer bliss.)
So now the child is asleep, with the bandage slipped rather comically from his head. My husband stands in the yard, leaning on his rake as he visits with a neighbor.
Other children come spilling across the yard. The sun is a golden glory behind the trees. I can smell the pot roast mingling with the tangy fragrance of burning leaves.
I look back on this day with its usual ups and downs. Its moments of anguish, and its moments of gratefulness and joy. And now that it’s ending, an aching awareness fills me. I realize that it’s been a good day, Lord. A very good day.
For it’s been filled with life. The life you have given me to cope with, and to contribute to. And I wouldn’t want to have missed it, not a single moment of it. Thank you, God for this good day. ~Marjorie Holmes
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01.14.08
Posted in Inspiration at 9:26 am by Administrator
This is a letter written to Linda from her girlfriend, Kendra. The story behind the letter is one that most of us would recognize. Many will be able to empathize with Linda or cheer for Kendra and hopefully all of us will enjoy a part of it. Beautifully written Kendra! You make me smile!
Sister, I am so sad that Michael is now having such a reversal in his surety. Seems like this is a trend since August with many couples going through separations. I empathize with your tender spirit and the aching of your heart resonates with my own pulse. I swear, when I finally get to meet whoever is writing this life script, I am going to have words with the Celestial Sadists. You sound so brave, it shames my own tendency toward tantrums, keening and wailing, gnashing teeth and renting my clothes. I do aspire to keep my vision, but I am weak and easily suffer the Aires-born childlike pangs from abandonment and fury from injustice. I mean, what, pray tell, is there NOT to love about us? We are extraordinary women, far evolved in all aspects, ready to recognize and treat our partners as divine beings. If I ever am accused again of being TOO KIND or TOO LOVING, I believe I shall instantly morph into the Tasmanian Devil and show my accusers ass what base instincts thrive in this redhead’s soul. Is it that we must truly be manic for them to want to stay? Sigh… I spent way too many years battling my darker side, and now I find it’s the attractive one. What’s a woman to do?
And so I breathe. And you breathe. And we dance and pray and light our candles to keep the darkness at bay. And find our shredded hearts mended by our womenfolk. Were I there I would rock you in my arms and stroke your hair until you had had enough.
I pray, FERVENTLY, that this year is a year of reaping our just rewards in love and in life. May Michael’s veil of doubt be burned away by his awareness of the bounty he has in your love. And soon. The waiting for what is to be is cruel.
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Posted in Inspiration at 2:58 am by Administrator
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk.I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you. Staying attached to you. I mean, hang up the phone!When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go.And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. It just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.You’ve got to know when it’s dead. You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift. I believe in good-bye.It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have, He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat, I don’t need it! Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for you life, then you need to let it go! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains, let it go! If someone can’t treat you right, love you back and see your worth, let it go! If someone has angered you, let it go! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge, let it go! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction, let it go! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents, let it go! If you have a bad attitude, let it go! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better, let it go! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship, let it go! If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves, let it go! If you’re feeling depressed and stressed, let it go! If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying “take your hands of of it,” then you need to let it go! Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. God is doing a new thing! Let it go! ~Bishop TD Jakes
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